Mr and Mrs Hans Olo
by spacegypsy1
Summary: Daniel and Vala are undercover to scout out a planet rich in Naquadah. They find themselves on a world of storytellers and must join story-time to be accepted. Vala tells a whopping tale, and then Daniel gets tangled up in his storytelling


Mr. and Mrs. Hans Olo

spacegypsy1

Pairing: Daniel and Vala – Written for the 2012 Where Are They Now on Live Journal

Category: Romance/Friendship

Timeline: After Ark of Truth.

Spoilers: Possibly one for Unending

Complete. One chapter

Where are they? Daniel and Vala are undercover to scout out a planet rich in Naquadah. They find themselves on a world of storytellers and must join story-time to be accepted. Vala tells a whopping tale, and then Daniel gets tangled up in his storytelling.

~0i0~

"My question is, why do we always have to wear leather for these things?" Daniel tried to adjust his leather pants by jerking at the waistband.

"It's the universe's most commonly accepted mode of dress, you know, makes you inconspicuous. And... we have to do the under the covers thing which isn't exactly what I'd hoped it was." Vala did a 360 turn, still confused by the actions of the initial group that met them at the Stargate just moments ago. "Where did they all go? They came and went so fast. Maybe we should leave?"

Still tugging on his pants, Daniel raised his eyes looking off into the distance. "We need this, Vala. Aerial surveys indicated rich deposits of Naquadah. Lots of it, and no one has tapped it in about a hundred years."

"I wonder why?" Vala mused, hands planted on her leather clad hips.

"Probably Asgard protected and now no Asgard. No protection. Who knows. Ask them, here they come."

"That's not the same group. What is it with the people on these worlds now a days with their funny hats? Oh, wait, quick Daniel, what's my under the covers name?"

Before he could answer, the man in the oddest angled and tallest red hat stepped forward. "We understand you are interested in trade. This is good. First we must know your story."

"Our story?' Vala asked.

Daniel stepped in front of her. "We would be happy to discuss this and tell you what you need."

"I am Beklar, leader of this region and all others. We are the biggest tribe on our world, and the ruling clan." Peeking behind Daniel, Beklar nodded at Vala. "And what are your names, my lady?"

Caught off guard, she blinked then sputtered, "Er... I'm... Leia. Princess Leia and, and... and, this is my husband, Hans Olo."

Mouth agape, and obviously speechless, Daniel cranked his head around to glare at her.

Beklar made a funny, excited sound. "THE Hans Olo? The man who was responsible in the beginning of ridding this sector, through his crafty trickery, of the vile criminals Tenat and Joop? Of course later, along with the backup help from Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter? We have heard a tad bit of his story. This is so exciting. THE Hans Olo?"

Coming from behind Daniel, Vala nodded emphatically. "One and the same."

"This is indeed a momentous occasion. Come, please follow me. I am sure we can come to an understanding. We must, of course, hear stories and know of who you represent."

"What? Represent?" Surprised Vala rushed forward but Daniel grabbed her arm to slow her progress.

"Why do you think we represent others?" Daniel asked.

Beklar looked Daniel up and down, adjusted his high slanting hat, took a quick and appreciative look at Vala's leather outfit and said honestly. "Because you wear the costumes of illegal or shady dealing traders, not that of merchants. This is not a problem. Come, we will hear your stories. If they are good, we will see about trading."

The glare Daniel sent Vala only got him a slanted mouth frown and a shrug from her.

~0i0~

The large central yurt had a dirt floor and an off-center fire pit. The interior walls were decorated with multi-pattern colored hangings creating a warm glow from the setting sun. Several elder women and men were building a fire while others set vividly colored rugs and pillows in a semi-circle around the pit. A woman motioned for Daniel and Vala to sit on the large red pillows on a raised platform behind the fire.

"Vala," Daniel whispered, "You understand they are storytellers? They build their society, their trade partners, their community on storytelling. No matter how long their stories are we need to listen, and it's a story so don't correct them. You can ask questions, maybe. We'll get the hang of it after they start. Probably several stories will be told. Okay? You understand that when asked about our story you need to keep it simple? Or better yet, I'll do the storytelling."

"Daniel, I've spent more time on these types of planets than you. I totally understand."

"It's very important."

She placed a hand on his cheek, "I know."

Daniel placed a hand over hers, smiling. "So, I do the talking, right?"

"Mmm hmmm."

~0i0~

A woman, also wearing a tall, lopsided red hat approached as people came to sit before the fire. "I am Mather Beklar wife of our leader. Please to tell us who you wish to represent."

"The Tau'ri." Daniel said.

The audible response was one of awe.

"And you know the Tau'ri well, Hans Olo? You know of SG-1? Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter? He is now with the Tau'ri as well as Teal'c the Shol'va, and Carter, the Angel who rides the Stars. And everyone knows of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and his companion, Vala Mal Doran." Beklar seemed impressed.

"Yes."

Vala could practically hear Daniel's gritted teeth.

"And you Princess Leia?"

Her head snapped around to Beklar, and with eyes wide Vala's words rushed out without a thought as to what she said. "Actually, Hans Olo is Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri's twin brother... separated at birth... ah.. I...well, that is..." Vala heard Daniel's shocked intake of breath.

"Oooooo." Came the response from the crowd.

"Go on, Princess Leia. Please tell the story."

"Well, you see," She began, ignoring the heated glare from Daniel. "Hans Olo and Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and the leader of SG-1, are twin brothers." Vala said, suddenly aware the entire room was sitting forward, anxious for her story, "Uhm, what happened was that there was a sort of a war, and during this war, the..."

Sitting before the fire, Mather Beklar looked perplexed. "We heard that Cam Mitchell the Bounty Hunter was the leader of SG-1!"

"Oh." Vale chewed her lip.

"What war, Princess?" Came from a very old man with a shaky voice.

"Clone Wars." Daniel offered, reluctantly.

"Yes," Vala grinned. "The Clown Wars."

Daniel leaned sideways towards Vala so only she could hear him. "Clone!"

"Pfft," Vala dismissed him with a wave of her hand. "Hans' and Daniel's parents, from the land of the great and powerful Oz on the planet Zorgon, were being hunted by the scary clown clones and thought it best to split up. Their mother, er, Lisa... Lisa Marie Olo, took Hans and his father... his father..."

Daniel rolled his eyes but pitched in, "Michael."

"Michael Jackson, took Daniel. The twins were but babies and to this day are afraid of clown clones." Vala tucked her legs close under her, grimacing at the creepy mental images of clowns and clones. She hurried on when she realized everyone was still enthralled. "Then, sadly, both parents were suddenly killed. Each of the boys thought they would never again have a family, ever again. "

The room grew still, and the sound of little sobs broke through the quiet.

Vala took a quick look at Daniel who seemed taken aback, but she went on with her tale.

"However, the boys were raised by wolves, I mean, wool merchants, separate of course, but we all know twins separated tend to live similar lives."

A murmur of agreement rose.

"Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri went to the Institute of Higher Learning to become a scholar of languages and rocks and a warrior in the fight with the Ori and Hans, my beloved, became a fierce warrior by learning from me how to fight and shoot and fly spaceships, and he is to this day a hero among heroes."

Again, she took a quick sideways glance at Daniel who for all intent and purpose seemed to be in a state of shock. She turned away, back to the crowd hoping they were satisfied. When the group looked expectantly at her, Vala was forced to continued. "The twins grew to adulthood never knowing they were twins. Until one day they met, and obviously they were twins so they became friends. And that's the end, except they lived happily ever after."

"Where did you meet Hans Olo, Princess?" This question came from the back of the room and many listeners oooed and ahhhed their interest.

Vala squinted to see the woman who had asked. "He... he kidnapped me at a market in my village, because, well, because he was so in love with me the instant he saw me he whisked me away from my step mother, the evil Queen, Adri... Ann Bolen, who sent the... the guy with the bow... er...what's his name."

"Huntsman." Daniel said, then sighed deeply.

"Yes, darling, that's right, the Huntsman. Queen Bolen sent him to find me and cut out my liver."

Daniel started to interrupt but instead dropped his head and remained quiet as the people urged her to proceed.

"Then, Daniel... er... I mean Hans slew the wicked Huntsman who everyone thought was a good guy but he was also in love with me, so Hans had to kill him. And so we went to the Tau'ri planet to visit his brother and meet the very famous and lovely SG-1."

"And Princess, what do you know of the woman who has joined the Tau'ri, Vala Mal Doran?" Someone asked.

"Oh. Her? Fabulous woman! The Tau'ri would never have defeated the Ori without her! And please, call me Lena... I mean Leia."

"You have met her?" Asked another.

"Yes." Vala was unsure where this was going.

Beklar looked around at the audience then back to Vala. "You know of her story?"

"Weeellll, I... I..."

"Wasn't she married many times?" Beklar's wife demanded.

"Heavens no! That was her ruse. I'm sure you must know she was once possessed by the Goa'uld, Qetesh. She had a device that could make men think they had married her, you know, and been 'WITH' her. A tiny memory device that also could shoot painful laser like beams." Vala made sure she didn't make eye contact with Daniel, though she could feel his eyes on her. "Before meeting up with Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, Vala Mal Doran was never really married, but since then there was an unfortunate incident and she was married once. To a religious zealot. An Ori soldier. A bit crazy. Maybe a little high and low, up and down, I think it has something to do with polar bears. But she only married him to protect her life and that of... " Vala paused, thinking of a way to stop her crazy story.

"The Orici?" Someone offered.

"You all seem to have quite a lot of information. But, yes, that's right." Vala grew quiet, reflective.

The children, except for the smallest of babies, were sent out of the main yurt and the adults scooted closer.

A very young man called out, his tone unbelieving. "How do you know this to be true? We have heard other tales."

When Vala said nothing, Daniel spoke. "Leia is Vala's sister."

"Ah." Beklar said, nodding in understanding. "So the other stories are false. And Vala Mal Doran is married to Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri?"

"Yes." Vala said with a smile at the same instant Daniel squeaked out, "No!"

"Which is it?" Was called out by several people.

Daniel spoke, reluctant and somewhat miffed. "Yes, the other stories are false and as to them being married...not at this time."

All of the audience looked around wondering and discussing in low voices before the question was put forth. "So, Hans, you are saying they plan to marry?"

"I'm not sure." Daniel withheld a sigh of incredulity.

"Of course they are!" Vala insisted.

"Will you tell their love story?" A young woman spoke softly.

Daniel frowned and looked at Vala knowing she would come up with some ridiculously wild and possibly NC-17 rated tale.

"Darling, Hans," Vala said tilting her head with a little jerk towards the audience. "They are looking at you, not me."

"Me?"

"Yes, Hans, tell the love story of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and Vala Mal Doran."

~0i0~

Lit by firelight, anticipation shone on every face as the tribe waited anxiously.

Daniel drew a deep breath. After all this was a diplomatic mission. He'd done stranger things. It's only a story. A made up story.

"Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri met Vala Mal Doran when she hijacked his ship and kidnapped me... I mean him."

"Ooooo," Mather Beklar cooed. "The opposite of you, his twin brother, and Leia, Vala's sister. How very romantic."

Daniel wiggled to relieve his stiffness and try to surreptitiously adjust the leather pants before giving his answer. "Ah. Er. Yes."

"Go on, Hans." Vala prompted, teasingly.

"After a short fight..." He cut his eyes towards Vala with a look that plainly said to remain quiet. He cleared his throat to continue when someone yelled quite loudly.

"What was she wearing?"

"A protective body suit." The words spoken brought back the image to dance across Daniel's mind.

"Skin tight?" A man asked hopefully.

Everyone laughed, including Daniel.

"Yes. Actually I believe that," he paused, thinking of what to say, "my brother, Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, did report that it was very tight."

Questions came in rapid fire.

"What did she look like?"

"Was she beautiful?"

"Tall?"

"Short?"

"Slim?"

"Muscular?"

"Well," Daniel held up a hand to stop the cascade of questions. "She was slim but muscular with the proper curves but she also had on a protective helmet that covered her face and when she removed it, according to my...er... brother he was taken aback by her beauty. Raven haired. Skin luminescent. And her almost silver eyes held a determined glint. And she was, according to my source, quite stunning."

The couples in the audience snuggled closer. Murmurs rose in discussion.

Then finally many requested, their voices combining into a deep rumble. "Continue."

"I...he," Daniel cleared the lump in his throat. His voice deepened. "Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri, fell in love with Vala Mal Doran at that very moment. However, he was afraid to love her and so he closed his heart to her. Eventually he escaped, captured her and locked her up. But Vala Mal Doran was very... very wily and she broke out of her cell, commandeered a smaller ship and disappearing into the cold darkness of space. He thought he would never, ever see her again. And, it broke his heart. Of course he didn't actually acknowledge that. Well, he did tell me. Not that it's true. He's a very private man. He doesn't like to discuss his past, his emotions, his fears, wants, etcetera."

Vala stared at him, silent and thoughtful.

Firelight wavered, then brightened as the fire was fueled by a young man who looked to Vala then back to Daniel. "We have heard she was as crafty as they come. But with a heart of gold. If she is half as beautiful as your wife, then she must be quite exquisite."

"That she is." Daniel stated firmly as someone set a try of food in front of both he and Vala followed by tankards of ale and cups of water.

Food and drink was passed around the tribe and conversations began.

"Daniel?" Vala whispered hoarsely.

He turned, slowly, wondering what she thought about his accidental admission. "Hmm?"

She was smiling wide, "Shouldn't we leave?"

He leaned close, inhaling her scent as he whispered near her ear, "I'm not sure. Let's wait a..."

Beklar stood, "And this is all the story you will tell? Surely there is more? How did Vala Mal Doran become a member of the Tau'ri tribe?"

A very young woman rose to her knees to see better. "How did she become a member of their best warriors, SG-1?"

"And what is the rest of their love story?" This came from another young woman with a tiny baby in her arms.

More questions where called out.

"Will they marry?"

"Is she still married to the Ori soldier?"

"No. She is not!" Daniel stated emphatically.

Vala raised a brow at his tone, then turned to the questioners. "Of course now that she is no longer married to Tomin, the Ori soldier, she is free to marry Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri. That is if they work out their many, many, many problems."

"Let us hear more of their story from you Princess Leia. What do you know?"

Her gaze got stuck for several seconds watching the pulse in Daniel's neck. Truth be told, she loved his neck. A few more seconds she let her eyes wander down into the V of his leather jerkin. "Right!" Shaking her head she began. "So, Vala Mal Doran, former procurer of things not openly available to be procured found something she knew the dashing, handsome and fabulous kisser, Dr. Daniel Jackson of the..."

"Ooooooo" A Chorus sang out with questions fired so fast it was difficult to hear.

"Kisser?"

"She had already kissed him, before she came to the Tau'ri home world?"

"When did this kiss take place?"

"What kind of kiss?"

"Well," Vala said, "let's see. During the fight on the ship when they first met, at one point, following a rather heated body slamming when Vala Mal Doran knocked him down and straddled Daniel Jackson... of the Tau'ri, he sat up and grabbing her hair he kissed her fiercely, passionately, with lots of..."

"WHAT?"

"Shhh, Hans. You had your chance."

"Actually," Daniel interrupted. "She hit him with a large metal cylinder, and then a right hook and a kick, then jumped on top of me... damn it... him and then while he was still recovering she grabbed his shirt and yanked him up and kissed him. Really kissed him. Hard. Open mouthed..."

"Ooooo. Sexy. With tongue?" The young women with the baby asked.

"Okay! Yes! With tongue!" He turned to Vala and whispered. "What the hell is up with these people!?"

She whispered back, "You tongued, not me. You snuck that in!"

"Fine!" Daniel glared. They were nose to nose, breath to breath.

Her lips were parted, anticipating, her tongue, moist and pink ran across her now dry lips where his eyes watched, mesmerized. He leaned closer.

"Hans Olo? Why did Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri not marry Vala Mal Doran?"

Pulling back, head swinging around, Daniel blinked then spied the young man from earlier. "Hmmm? Oh, you. What's your name?"

"I am Ulon."

"Ulon, there are things in his past..."

"What are these things?"

"He was married. His wife died." If someone had asked him why he answered the question, he couldn't have explained. He dropped his head to his chest and sighed.

The rustled of movement caught Daniel's attention and he looked up to see everyone moving even closer.

"Oh, no. She died? How?" A woman who appeared ancient, but whose eyes were clear and bright, her hat short and silver, looked stricken.

"Goa'uld."

"A Goa'uld killed Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri's wife? When?" Beklar was astonished.

Vala put a hand on Daniel's arm, squeezed gently and answered the question. "Many years ago. Before we met Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri or Vala Mal Doran."

"This is horrible. How can this be?" Ulon was nearly crying.

"The wife of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri was a host." Vala filled in.

There were gasps, murmurs, shuffling.

Ulon stepped closer. "We are sad for his loss." Brows furrowing in confusion, Ulon asked, "How long has it been? Is this then the only reason he does not take Vala Mal Doran as his wife?"

"No! Certainly not the reason. I mean, well, I don't know all the details. He cares. He really cares. And it has been many years. Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri did not tell me more." Daniel answered quickly.

"Hmph!" Vala took her hand from Daniel's arm. "I'm sure Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri told you plenty. Like how he hides his feelings. I think it's more likely that you cannot say!"

Daniel whipped his head around to stare aghast at Vala who shrugged and turned away. "What the hell does that mean!?" He barked out. "Oh, wait, I know, it's like Vala Mal Doran hides behind her..." at this point his hands came up and his fingers made bunny ear quotation marks, "ruse," of using sex and innuendo to mask her true feelings?" His voice rose near the end and his eyes narrowed.

The deep voices of many tribal men rang out with words of understanding and agreement, as their heads turned in unison from Daniel to Vala.

"Maybe," Vala spoke loudly over the men's waning utterances, "if Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri would open up about his feeling Vala Mal Doran would no longer need a," at which point Vala mocked Daniel's bunny ear quotes. "ruse" to hide behind."

The women in the yurt called out in unison, "Yes!" Then slowly they moved as one turning back to Daniel.

"Really?" Daniel's sarcastic tone wasn't lost on Vala. "How could he trust her? You've... she's been irresponsible, and... god! I, I mean he couldn't handle it. To lose at love, again. If he confessed his feelings, his wants, how can he know she won't betray that trust?"

Shocked, Vala's voice rose. "How could... how could he...! He has trusted her in every other way!" She stood, suddenly, and glared down at Daniel. "She loves him and he knows this! She has changed, not for him, but for herself, you know that, he knows that and she is more than trustworthy. Her love is constant! She. Loves. Him. He doesn't possess the skills to tell her he does NOT love her, but only cares to keep her guessing for his own entertainment!" Vala took off for the door flap.

"Vala! Vala, wait!" Daniel jumped up and nearly stumbled as he started off in her direction.

"Leave me alone, Daniel!"

"VALA! Please wait. Please. I... I do love you... come back here. Vala!" He yelled as he made his way through the crowd and out the door.

The women wailed. The men moaned.

Applause rang out, deafeningly loud. As one the people stood, still clapping, moaning, wailing.

Beklar, rocked back and forth, ecstatic, moved to tears.

Mather crossed her arms around herself. "Ooooo! I have never heard such powerful storytelling, my husband! Never! Such passion, such hardship, sacrifice, sorrow, love!"

"We shall trade with these people, my wife, I will contact the Tau'ri." Beklar wiped his eyes. " Ah, Princess Leia as Vala Mal Doran was magnificent...and Hans Olo as Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri could not have been better were he Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri himself! A wonderful ending! How clever to impersonate their kin! Wonderful evening. Wonderful storytelling!"

~0i0~

The instant Daniel rushed into their small yurt he came to a sudden stop to avoid running headlong into Vala.

"What did you say?" She asked quietly, cautiously, as she tossed her leather jacket aside and began to undo her leather bustier.

"I love you." He whispered. "Always have, from the instant you took that damned helmet off. Always will." His fingers brushed her face. "I'm sorry. So sorry. I trust you with my life. Vala, I trust you with my love." Daniel wrapped her head with his hands. Tilted his head, moved in.

Still his kiss took her by surprise.

He was a man possessed and he possessed her with an all consuming fierceness. Clothes seemed to fly, frantic hands roamed and touched, fondled, explored. Neither knew how they ended up on the pile of soft furs, but neither cared.

Their love making wavered from fierce and intense to slow and playful, from wildly erotic to gently erotic as they grappled for dominance.

He gave her his trust, his love, heart, soul and body, fully.

When dawn approached Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and Vala Mal Doran snuggled close, holding tightly to each other and slept exhausted and sated, and assured of their mutual love.

~0i0~

"THE Bounty Hunter, Cam Mitchell and THE Shol'va, Teal'c?"

"Yes, sir, Mr. Beklar, but Daniel and Vala..."

"Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and Vala Mal Doran?"

"Yep. Right. We got your communication that all's a go. Daniel and Vala should already be here."

"They are not. Only Hans Olo, the twin brother of Daniel Jackson of the Tau'ri and his lovely wife Princess Leia, sister of Vala Mal Doran, arrived. They are not to be disturbed as they are resting from a wild night of love making. I am anxious to hear your story, and that of the Shol'va. Please follow me."

"A night of... what? Wait! Twins? Wife? I'm thinkin' you have this all wrong."

"Doubtful, Colonel Mitchell." Teal'c placed a hand on Mitchell's shoulder.

"Right, Teal'c. You're right. That's nothin' but trouble we can't do anything about now. Okay, let's follow the guy in the Leaning Tower of 'Pizza' hat."

"Pisa. I have visited that city. Unless, of course, you are mocking Vala Mal Doran following her visit to Pisa?"

"It looks like a bunch of pizza boxes spray painted red and stacked up every-which-a-way. I was trying to make a joke."

"Ah, I see.

~END~


End file.
